Go it alone, it’s okay

You know those awkward moments at a party when the food is ready but no one wants to be the first in line? Or when a public speaker at an event asks for volunteers and no one raises their hand because the speaker wouldn’t reveal what you are volunteering for? Or in school when the teacher asks who wants to present first and everyone, all of a sudden, looks down at their feet like they didn’t hear the question?

These are just a few of life’s very simple day-to-day examples of when a leader arises by being willing to stand alone or being the first to do something. Life gets a little more complicated than this though. Regardless, to be a leader, to be successful and to create real change, you have to be willing to stand alone. You have to believe so deeply in what you are doing that you are willing to go all in even when it feels like the entire world is against you.

My proudest moments in life are the ones that were the hardest to accomplish because I had to go it alone. Everyone else was telling me not to bother, that I was wasting my time or that I was not capable. Don’t let fear or other’s nonsense stop you from facing the hardest challenges in your life because in the end, pushing yourself to something greater is worth it all.

Eventually, people will also follow or at least support you whether it is the people who doubted you before or new, wonderful people you meet along the way. When you’re willing to stand alone, you rarely end up doing so.

What have you done or do you want to do but were/are afraid to go it alone?


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Say Goodbye to Holiday Expectations

Holidays are the best and worst times of the year, right? At least for a lot of people they are because there are lots of expectations that come with the holidays – cooking, gifts, attendance, traditions, etc. The problem is that not everyone agrees on these things which can cause lots of drama in family get-togethers during the holidays.

This used to be the case with my family too. However, life got so much simpler when we decided to break expectations almost a decade ago. These days, things are less stressful. Sometimes, we get together and sometimes we don’t, at least not all of us. A couple years, my cousins and I just went out for dinner and hung out at our favorite bar and watched football. A couple years, the whole family got together, sometimes at a restaurant and sometimes at someone’s house.

This year, I’m hosting for the first time. Everyone I tell that to has responded with sympathy, which confuses me but it’s because they have unrealistic expectations that they associate with stress. They would apologize that I had to host or feel sorry for me that I was doing all of this cooking. See, I’m not stressed at all. I’ve enjoyed cooking and I don’t have to do it all. Everyone is bringing something.

The beauty of it is that there are no rules. You can bring whatever you want. Who cares if there are more desserts than appetizers? Not us! We don’t even know for sure how many people are showing up. If you can make it, great and if not, we’ll catch you at the next holiday, or next year! Everyone is invited – friends, family, extended family, babies, dogs, your neighbor, your coworkers or anyone you know of that doesn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to spend the holiday with.

So, this year I am grateful for the fact that my family

– has broken the stressful expectations and traditions of the holidays,

– has kept the parts we love (being together, great company and the best food around),

– has been open to a “no rules” kind of get-together,

– has opened its arms to anyone and everyone who wants to join us, and

– has allowed me to host them.

Expectations are a great thing but be very careful with them. If they are the wrong expectations, they will cause great anxiety! Do you have the right expectations for the holidays?

I wish you the happiest holidays! From my rule-breaking family to yours!


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Do you believe in YOU?

The world is full of people who will tell you all the things that you cannot do but what do you tell yourself?

There will always be people who laugh at you when you tell them your hopes and dreams but do you listen to them?

Even the people closest to you will advise you that the goals you’re pursuing and the actions you’re taking are unrealistic or impossible but do you let that stop you?

I work a lot of hours (mostly by choice because I love my job and want to do more), I chair the Learning & Education Committee for ASHHRA and I write a blog.

I recently accepted a board position and an MBA program. I’m told constantly that I should reconsider some of the commitments I have made before I even give them a try. I’m told constantly that I will never see my friends and family again for the next three years. I’m told constantly that I cannot possibly accomplish all of this and that I will fail. I’m told constantly that I’m in over my head and I’m too young and inexperienced to realize it. I’m told constantly that I’m going to regret my decisions.

People will say these things, sometimes out of genuine concern for you, but does that mean you should believe it and make it your reality?

This has been the story of my entire life. Most of my accomplishments thus far have been faced with these exact words, these exact obstacles – being the first college graduate in my family, getting six promotions in six years and starting my blog. My parents couldn’t help me pay for school so I was told that I would never be able to do it on my own and that I had no clue what I was getting into. Every time I was promoted, I was told that I did not have enough experience and that I was too young to succeed. When I started my blog, I was told that no one would read it and that it was a waste of time.

I’m grateful for all the amazing people in my life who are looking out for me and you should too but if you take care of yourself and do the things in life that make you happy, that is what matters. If you believe completely in yourself even when it seems that others don’t believe in you, you will succeed beyond expectations. If you allow yourself to fail, you will grow to levels you may not even realize you are capable of. Many future successes are a product of previously failed attempts. Failure is just a stepping stone to success.

Don’t let anyone stop you – not people, not words, not failures, not fear.

I wish you all the success in the world and when it feels like you’re up against the world working to accomplish something great, just know that I’m in your corner! Live the life that makes you happy, not the one that satisfies the doubts of others.

What’s your story?

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We Create Our Comfort Zones

I’m over the excuses for why people don’t get things done or take chances on themselves. At a minimum, on a weekly basis, I’ve been finding myself engrossed in conversations about productivity, change and/or success. They seem to always include excuses as to why people “can’t” do something. I’m in an industry of constant change and quite a bit of chaos so lately, the common excuse is “I’m not comfortable.” This is one of my favorites. It’s right up there with “I don’t have time.”

It’s one of my favorite excuses because it’s ironic to me. People talk about comfort zones like they’re magical things that just exist without effort. They assume that everything else that is not already in their comfort zone will remain in their “uncomfortable zone” forever without the possibility of movement.

Here’s a reality check and some good news: everything in our “uncomfortable zone” can become part of our “comfort zone.” A comfort zone is a completely fabricated concept. We made it up! Everything in our comfort zone was moved there because we got used to things that we were uncomfortable with at first.

So, it’s funny to me when I hear this as an excuse for not trying something new or not living out dreams. I pretty much get this excuse at least from one person every time I propose a new change or project, “Lotus, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this.” My answer usually? “Awesome! Neither am I! Let’s get comfortable with it!”

Recently, I invited a coworker to join a Twitter chat since she wanted to find a convenient way to learn from other organizations without having to attend conferences across the country. She told me that she isn’t part of the generation that is comfortable with social media and that I’m better at it because I grew up with it. She was shocked when I told her that I went off Facebook until recently, that I didn’t really use LinkedIn until 2011 and that I didn’t even get a Twitter account until 2013. I told her my story about how terrified I was to start writing and going social. It definitely was not in my comfort zone. In fact, I still don’t think it is in my comfort zone, but I do it anyway. She got herself a Twitter account and met a couple awesome people in the industry already!

Comfort zones don’t just happen to us. We create our own comfort zones. There’s so much that I’m intentionally working on adding to my comfort zone. What are you trying to add to your comfort zone? When are you going to purposely take a chance on YOU?


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Never Settle for Less – Commit in 2015!

We’re about to approach a new year. With that comes New Year resolutions that often fail. Even the most measurable goals tend to fall by the wayside come March. This year, I’m going to try a new kind of New Year resolution!

I’m keeping it simple – one goal, one resolution. That is, I will commit to never settling for less in 2015. It might sound oversimplified or generic but it’s an important concept that too many people lose sight of when they’re busy trying to accomplish all of the other goals in their lives. They focus so much on the end result that they forget to reflect on whether or not they are even going down the right path.

I’m committing that in 2015, I will consistently ask myself if I’m settling for less or not – in my work, relationships, personal goals and other life activities. If the answer is yes, I know I will have to reevaluate and choose a different path.

I’ve learned the hard way that when I settle for less, I’m giving up so much that I could and should have in my life. So, how do you know when you’re settling?

  • When you become satisfied rather than passionate about something in your life, you know you’re settling.
  • When you feel robotic in what you’re doing rather than feeling excited, you know you’re settling.
  • When you find yourself constantly complaining rather than raving about something, you know you’re settling.
  • When you have to make excuses to convince yourself and others that something is the right decision, you know you’re settling.
  • When you don’t do something simply because of fear, you know you’re settling.

Take the time this next year to be intentional about reflecting upon your experiences, decisions and goals. Evaluate whether or not you are settling for less and commit to redirecting yourself if you find that you are headed down a path that results in something less than you deserve.


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How a punitive culture will punish you

Why are we so afraid to fail and why are we so afraid to let our employees fail? Often, it’s because we’re punished for it. If we make a mistake at work, we get written up for it or in the harshest of organizations, maybe even fired for it.

I challenge you to change this mindset in your organizations. I’m not asking you to give up accountability. I am asking you to rid the punitive cultures that exist in your workplaces. Failure without accountability has no place in the workplace but allowing people to learn from failure holds great value.

I’ve seen organizations lose exceptional employees because they punished them for a “mistake.” Some of these “mistakes” include making a decision that the organization felt should not have been made by the employee or forgetting to do something once. If you have a good employee in this situation, they may start looking for another job because you punished them right away instead of empowering them to learn from their mistakes.

It goes beyond mistakes though. Sometimes, employees are punished simply because they made a decision that the organization or leader does not agree with even though that decision may play out in everyone’s favor in the end. Employees don’t always have the chance to see their ideas, risks and decisions come to fruition because they get in trouble just for presenting them.

Allow your employees to fail and take some risks without punishing them. A punitive culture keeps people down after they fall rather than helps them back up. Remember that as leaders, we make mistakes too but we sometimes have the power to avoid punishment for them. We’re often trusted and expected to learn from our mistakes without any guidance from others.

Think about the last time you did something wrong. If you can’t think of something, you’re in desperate need of some self reflection. Then, think about the last time you did that same thing again but did it right. The feeling of relief that something that once went poorly now went very well is a pretty amazing feeling. Afford your employees the same right to have that feeling. Let them learn from their mistakes and have the opportunity to fix them or change them for next time.

Some of the most successful people and the best employees are the ones who make a lot of mistakes because they are the ones willing to take some risks. They learn from each mistake and eventually, they could be the ones who do something really cool that makes you and the organization look good too. So, stop punishing your employees for making mistakes or taking risks without first empowering them to learn from those mistakes or see the outcome of their risks. A punitive culture only punishes you.


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Your choice: Peer to fear or peer to pioneer?

So, you’ve been promoted. Congratulations, you’re now in charge of your peers and possibly, your friends!

Don’t panic! Here’s a recommendation you can follow to be successful. I call it the LASH OUT solution.

Layout expectations for everyone.

If you outline your expectations to your entire team, including your friends, everyone will know what they need to do. Be very clear about what results need to be produced.

In addition to the work, successful leaders define expectations for their teams related to people skills and team behaviors. Tell your team the kind of leader you’re willing to be and make clear what your expectations are of them, individually and as a team.

Avoid favoritism.

Don’t treat your friends better than everyone else. This sounds simple but it’s actually very difficult to do consistently. People are often afraid of breaking friendships if they don’t give their friends special treatment. As my mother would say, if they don’t want to be your friend for doing the right thing, they’re not good friends to begin with.

Now, I’m not a believer that you cannot keep your friendships or build new ones with team members. However, leaders need to constantly remind themselves of the line between friendship and leadership. Don’t let your friends on the team get away with doing less work, producing lower quality results or misbehaving. You’re only hurting yourself if you play favorites. Plus, it makes you lose credibility.

Spread the love.

Did you used to go out to eat or enjoy happy hour with some of the employees you now lead? No one’s asking you to stop but you might want to consider inviting the rest of the team sometimes or doing these same things with rest of your team members. If you can include everyone in the activities that build personal relationships, you may end up with a really awesome team who not only enjoys working together but genuinely enjoys each other.

Hold your entire staff accountable for team and individual goals and behaviors.

Remember when we talked about expectations? Don’t just set them. Hold people accountable for them. If someone on your team needs coaching, even if it’s your friend, coach them. Communicate to them that you want to help but that you also have expectations of them.

The goal is to get the most out of your team so that you can lead change, create positive results and make a difference together.

Opt out of all the gossip.

The days of water cooler chat are over when you’re promoted to a leadership position. Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in the gossip. Not that it’s okay for your employees to be gossiping but when you’re a leader, you need to be the one who sets the example.

Understand your employees.

Get to know everyone on your team, not just your friends. Learn about what they like, what motivates them and what frustrates them. Use what you learn to personalize your leadership to each person. Just like people learn differently, people also respond to leadership styles differently. Adapt as necessary. Leaders must be nimble.

Take time outs.

You can disagree all you want but you are never too busy to take a time out. Time outs are for reflecting and re-energizing, Take time outs often to think about the things you can do differently to lead your team successfully and to get motivated to do them.

Use this LASH OUT model to ensure a successful transition from peer to leader. Ultimately, it’s your choice. Do you want to go from peer to fear or peer to pioneer? LASH OUT and pioneer change and great ideas!

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