Say Goodbye to Holiday Expectations

Holidays are the best and worst times of the year, right? At least for a lot of people they are because there are lots of expectations that come with the holidays – cooking, gifts, attendance, traditions, etc. The problem is that not everyone agrees on these things which can cause lots of drama in family get-togethers during the holidays.

This used to be the case with my family too. However, life got so much simpler when we decided to break expectations almost a decade ago. These days, things are less stressful. Sometimes, we get together and sometimes we don’t, at least not all of us. A couple years, my cousins and I just went out for dinner and hung out at our favorite bar and watched football. A couple years, the whole family got together, sometimes at a restaurant and sometimes at someone’s house.

This year, I’m hosting for the first time. Everyone I tell that to has responded with sympathy, which confuses me but it’s because they have unrealistic expectations that they associate with stress. They would apologize that I had to host or feel sorry for me that I was doing all of this cooking. See, I’m not stressed at all. I’ve enjoyed cooking and I don’t have to do it all. Everyone is bringing something.

The beauty of it is that there are no rules. You can bring whatever you want. Who cares if there are more desserts than appetizers? Not us! We don’t even know for sure how many people are showing up. If you can make it, great and if not, we’ll catch you at the next holiday, or next year! Everyone is invited – friends, family, extended family, babies, dogs, your neighbor, your coworkers or anyone you know of that doesn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to spend the holiday with.

So, this year I am grateful for the fact that my family

– has broken the stressful expectations and traditions of the holidays,

– has kept the parts we love (being together, great company and the best food around),

– has been open to a “no rules” kind of get-together,

– has opened its arms to anyone and everyone who wants to join us, and

– has allowed me to host them.

Expectations are a great thing but be very careful with them. If they are the wrong expectations, they will cause great anxiety! Do you have the right expectations for the holidays?

I wish you the happiest holidays! From my rule-breaking family to yours!

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Do you believe in YOU?

The world is full of people who will tell you all the things that you cannot do but what do you tell yourself?

There will always be people who laugh at you when you tell them your hopes and dreams but do you listen to them?

Even the people closest to you will advise you that the goals you’re pursuing and the actions you’re taking are unrealistic or impossible but do you let that stop you?

I work a lot of hours (mostly by choice because I love my job and want to do more), I chair the Learning & Education Committee for ASHHRA and I write a blog.

I recently accepted a board position and an MBA program. I’m told constantly that I should reconsider some of the commitments I have made before I even give them a try. I’m told constantly that I will never see my friends and family again for the next three years. I’m told constantly that I cannot possibly accomplish all of this and that I will fail. I’m told constantly that I’m in over my head and I’m too young and inexperienced to realize it. I’m told constantly that I’m going to regret my decisions.

People will say these things, sometimes out of genuine concern for you, but does that mean you should believe it and make it your reality?

This has been the story of my entire life. Most of my accomplishments thus far have been faced with these exact words, these exact obstacles – being the first college graduate in my family, getting six promotions in six years and starting my blog. My parents couldn’t help me pay for school so I was told that I would never be able to do it on my own and that I had no clue what I was getting into. Every time I was promoted, I was told that I did not have enough experience and that I was too young to succeed. When I started my blog, I was told that no one would read it and that it was a waste of time.

I’m grateful for all the amazing people in my life who are looking out for me and you should too but if you take care of yourself and do the things in life that make you happy, that is what matters. If you believe completely in yourself even when it seems that others don’t believe in you, you will succeed beyond expectations. If you allow yourself to fail, you will grow to levels you may not even realize you are capable of. Many future successes are a product of previously failed attempts. Failure is just a stepping stone to success.

Don’t let anyone stop you – not people, not words, not failures, not fear.

I wish you all the success in the world and when it feels like you’re up against the world working to accomplish something great, just know that I’m in your corner! Live the life that makes you happy, not the one that satisfies the doubts of others.

What’s your story?

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Lead to Win: Lessons from a Chicago Cubs’ World Series Champ

I’m a die hard Chicago Cubs fan. As much as I love all Chicago sports, baseball is what I grew up watching. I am by no means the longest living Cubs fan, not even close! However, I, like many others, grew up watching them lose a lot, hanging onto every inch of hope that they might just win it all one day. So, when they finally did it this year, I was literally ecstatic. I cried; I admit it; I have no shame about it.

The thing about this current Cubs team though that makes me such a proud fan is its leadership. Being a leadership and HR fanatic myself, its one of the first things I notice in teams. The Chicago Cubs has a lot of great leaders from Theo Epstein to Jed Hoyer to the Ricketts family. However, I am consistently impressed by the great Joe Maddon.

So, here’s what I’ve learned about how to “lead to win” from Joe, manager of the World Series’ Champs, the Chicago Cubs. I’ve titled each lesson after my favorites of Joe’s “Maddonisms.”

“That’s outcome bias.”

Joe often responds with this statement when the media questions a decision he made, claiming that the opposite decision or a different decision could have had a better outcome. In leadership, we often play it safe and if something goes wrong, we constantly waste time questioning “what if” scenarios, attempting to breakdown what went wrong. There is a false assumption that another decision or action would have resulted in a different outcome, when in reality, no one really knows. It could have been the same outcome either way.

The lesson is that just because one decision or risk does not work out, it doesn’t mean that we need to play it safe the next time. We must keep taking chances and pushing boundaries.

“Do simple better.”

Joe is questioned a lot for his way of leading and managing the Cubs. He cancels batting practices and doesn’t hold team meetings. Instead, he believes that he has adults and professionals on his team and thus, he should treat them as such. Therefore, he puts his trust in his team and doesn’t micromanage them. Guess what? They chose to practice anyway and took the World Series in style, coming back from 3-1 games down to win it all. He also prides himself in having one-on-one conversations rather than team meetings.

The lesson for leaders is to stop overcomplicating our roles. If we do the simple things better, we will already have better results. One piece of advice from Joe is to not micromanage every detail of how employees should do their jobs. Be clear with expectations and let them achieve the results on their own. The other relevant lesson is that when someone isn’t performing, have a real, honest conversation with that person rather than holding a team meeting every time to reset expectations in a passive-aggressive manner where everyone feels like they did something wrong but aren’t really sure.

“Don’t ever permit the pressure to exceed the pleasure.”

This is my favorite maddonism! Every Cubs fan knows about the team’s themed road trips. This year, they did eccentric suits day and a pajama party day. Joe also throws little parties in the clubhouse like when he brought zoo animals in for spring training or brought in a mariachi band to serenade his team before a game. The lesson here is to have fun with our teams and let them have fun with each other. Fun brings people together and takes the pressure off.

This maddonism also gets to the heart of success which is that people who love what they do will achieve the best results. Why? It’s not likely that people love doing something they are not good at. People with real passions live and breathe whatever it is that they are passionate about. Leaders hire A players and let those A players enjoy what they do because the pleasure of what we do everyday should exceed the pressure we are under.

What stands out for you and what might you try doing with your teams? I’ve been pondering the “no team meetings” idea. Here’s to the Chicago Cubs, to Joe Maddon, to leadership and to all of you winning with your teams!

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