Stop Projecting Your Own Experiences onto Others

“You’re a new mom? OMG! Get ready to never sleep again in your life!”

“Yeah, it’s great that you have such high ambitions but you’re too young and you have to pay your dues.”

“You shouldn’t work so much. It’s going to affect your health!”

“You don’t want kids? I’m sure you’ll change your mind!”

“It’s very hard to actually make an idea work. Maybe you should consider looking for a real job instead of starting your own business.”

This is just a tiny sampling of comments that are made every single day to people pursuing something aspirational in life. Maybe, you have even said something similar before to others. Of course, there is usually good intention with these comments as it is a way to help others not go through the same pain or surprise you have been through or a way to help others not make the same mistakes.

But, stop.

Just stop.

Seriously, stop.

Stop projecting your experiences onto other people. If they ask for your story or your experience, that’s great that you can share it and what lessons you learned but it’s not necessary to discourage others from going for their dreams simply because it didn’t work out for you.

Oh, and if they didn’t ask for your opinion, you really do not need to share your negative thoughts.

We are all capable of different things and that is what is beautiful about the human race and what should be bringing us together, not tearing us apart. So when others are aiming to do something that didn’t work out for you, encourage them to succeed even if it seems so impossible in your mind.

In the words of Amelia Earhart, “Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn’t be done.”

Stop. Projecting. Your. Experiences. Onto. Others.

And, if someone is projecting their experiences onto you, remember that your story does not have to be their story. Write your own story and know that it can and will be an awesome one!

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You DO Have Time

I cringe when I hear someone say they’re too busy or they have no time. These have to be two of the worst excuses ever! Trust me, I’ve used them myself.

It’s a lesson I learned a long time ago but still have to check myself, even today. Recently, I was asked to speak at a conference, one of my favorite things to do. I nearly jumped at the opportunity when I caught myself and took a step back. I am currently working full time, going to school full time, volunteering, siting on the board of a nonprofit, chairing a committee for another organization, writing a blog and writing for about five other sites periodically. In between all of that, I try to stay connected with friends, family and my network of peers across the country.

It sounds like I have no time to take on anymore but that is not the case. I actually do have the time but I have to make choices. I can either find a way to work smarter so that I can take on more and simply spend less time on each task or I can give something up to take on something else.

Life is about choices. We make time for everything we think is important enough. So when you think about this in the context of work, people have time to do what is important but the problem is that importance is defined differently by different people.

What are you making time for in life, professionally and personally? What is important to you and are you being honest about what is not?

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Go it alone, it’s okay

You know those awkward moments at a party when the food is ready but no one wants to be the first in line? Or when a public speaker at an event asks for volunteers and no one raises their hand because the speaker wouldn’t reveal what you are volunteering for? Or in school when the teacher asks who wants to present first and everyone, all of a sudden, looks down at their feet like they didn’t hear the question?

These are just a few of life’s very simple day-to-day examples of when a leader arises by being willing to stand alone or being the first to do something. Life gets a little more complicated than this though. Regardless, to be a leader, to be successful and to create real change, you have to be willing to stand alone. You have to believe so deeply in what you are doing that you are willing to go all in even when it feels like the entire world is against you.

My proudest moments in life are the ones that were the hardest to accomplish because I had to go it alone. Everyone else was telling me not to bother, that I was wasting my time or that I was not capable. Don’t let fear or other’s nonsense stop you from facing the hardest challenges in your life because in the end, pushing yourself to something greater is worth it all.

Eventually, people will also follow or at least support you whether it is the people who doubted you before or new, wonderful people you meet along the way. When you’re willing to stand alone, you rarely end up doing so.

What have you done or do you want to do but were/are afraid to go it alone?

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5 Millennial Leadership Tips from A Millennial Leader

I was at a great conference recently and found myself in a deep conversation with some peers about millennials in the workplace. You’re shocked, right? Who isn’t talking about this? It actually seems like we talk about it way too much!

Someone made a comment about how they feel like there is a lack of perspective on this topic. She said that she constantly finds herself trying to learn about millennials but every speaker and writer she came across seemed to be of a different generation. It got her thinking about the gap in this picture – why aren’t we getting advice and hearing about millennials from actual millennials?

I get requested for thought forums, interviews and presentations on the topic of multiple generations in the workplace because I fill this gap. I am a millennial in the workplace.

One of the most popular questions I get is about what advice I have for millennial leaders. Many millennials, very much like generations before them believe it or not, are itching to get into leadership and sure, many probably think they should already be there. That annoys some people like there’s no tomorrow!

So, here’s my leadership advice for new and aspiring millennial leaders and if you haven’t caught on, I am a millennial leader.

1. Put Your Earmuffs On…Strategically

Stop complaining about the noise around you and feeling sorry for yourself. People are going to judge you. They are going to make unfair remarks about your generation and somehow, ridiculously define you by your generational stereotypes. Then, they will argue why you cannot and should not be in leadership because of it. People will always tell you that you are not capable. Go for it anyway. What you tell yourself is more important.

In the end, this stereotyping is just useless noise. Become familiar with this type of noise and learn when to put your earmuffs on. Getting sucked into it, being overly hurt by it (it always hurts a little), feeling sorry for yourself or retaliating with equally hurtful remarks will get you nowhere!

2. Play Nice In the Sandbox

So, they pick on you for your age. It does not mean you get to pick on them for their age. Don’t stoop to lower levels. As a leader, you have to be able to play nice with everyone – people from all walks of life, with diverse backgrounds and with different ideas. Use this as your competitive advantage.

There is so much drama, hate and manipulation not just in the workforce but in the world. If you can turn this around, you’ll be ahead of the curve. Bring people together; be a connector. Help people see their similarities despite their differences. Help people find solutions together despite their problems. Help people reach their potential despite their doubt. Help everyone play nice in the sandbox.

When your team reaches that point of working well together, recognize them. Don’t ever forget to recognize and reward people both individually and as a team. Just be sure it is genuine and meaningful.

3. Don’t Give Up or Give In: You’re In Sales

As a leader, particularly a millennial leader, you will face a lot of scrutiny, a lot of resistance or distrust and a lot of skepticism. It can become very easy to give up on yourself or give into the pressure. The way to overcome all of this is to do things you believe in and believe in everything you do. If an organization’s values does not align with yours, you are in the wrong place.

Every leader is a sales person. Millennials, you better start believing this. If you want buy-in and influence, you have to be able to sell your ideas, your initiatives and your changes. You absolutely cannot assume that if you suggest something that everyone will get behind it. Many people are doubting you already. Prove that you are worthy.

It may not seem fair. You have to work extra hard to gain the trust of your team, especially if you have a diverse team that may not believe in you right away when you take over the team as the new leader. It’s even harder if you were a peer and got promoted into a leadership role. If you really want to be successful, don’t give up, on yourself or others, and don’t give into the pressure or the fear.

4. Always Fail Forward, Never Fail Back

You will fail so get a little comfortable with that. Don’t look at failure as a setback. Use it to your advantage every time it happens. Learn from it and let your lessons launch you forward. The weight on your shoulders will only get heavier every time you fail, but don’t let it weigh you down.

Yes, some people might even thrive in the fact that you failed. Don’t waste time thinking about that. Use your precious time and effort focused on the next great idea, project or initiative. Show everyone how your failures made you even stronger.

5. Be Willing to Stand Alone

In leadership, everyone is watching you. As a millennial, you are likely to have even more scrutiny. So, you have to be doing the right things all the time even if that means doing the difficult things – making unpopular decisions, coaching poor performers or challenging your superiors.

Like most things, the grass always looks greener on the other side. Leadership often looks glamorous from the outside looking in but for those who are in it, you know it is not all roses. Leadership can actually be an extremely lonely place. You are constantly balancing the pressure of the people on your team with the pressure from your superiors and the two never seem to agree. It can feel like a lose-lose situation sometimes.

If you want to succeed in leadership, you have to be willing to stand alone. When it seems that everyone else wants to take the easy road or the right thing is not the popular thing, you have to make that tough call. Contrary to popular belief, if you’re willing to stand alone as a leader, you actually rarely have to. Your employees will support you. People who believe in doing the right thing but who are too afraid to will follow you.

You may hope that people will not judge you by your generation but you cannot wish something like that away. All you can do is stay focused on what matters. If you become a strong leader that your team trusts, they will stop seeing you as a “millennial leader.” They will see you simply as their leader, someone they trust and support.

Loyalty is not dead…but it requires effort.

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Say Goodbye to Holiday Expectations

Holidays are the best and worst times of the year, right? At least for a lot of people they are because there are lots of expectations that come with the holidays – cooking, gifts, attendance, traditions, etc. The problem is that not everyone agrees on these things which can cause lots of drama in family get-togethers during the holidays.

This used to be the case with my family too. However, life got so much simpler when we decided to break expectations almost a decade ago. These days, things are less stressful. Sometimes, we get together and sometimes we don’t, at least not all of us. A couple years, my cousins and I just went out for dinner and hung out at our favorite bar and watched football. A couple years, the whole family got together, sometimes at a restaurant and sometimes at someone’s house.

This year, I’m hosting for the first time. Everyone I tell that to has responded with sympathy, which confuses me but it’s because they have unrealistic expectations that they associate with stress. They would apologize that I had to host or feel sorry for me that I was doing all of this cooking. See, I’m not stressed at all. I’ve enjoyed cooking and I don’t have to do it all. Everyone is bringing something.

The beauty of it is that there are no rules. You can bring whatever you want. Who cares if there are more desserts than appetizers? Not us! We don’t even know for sure how many people are showing up. If you can make it, great and if not, we’ll catch you at the next holiday, or next year! Everyone is invited – friends, family, extended family, babies, dogs, your neighbor, your coworkers or anyone you know of that doesn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to spend the holiday with.

So, this year I am grateful for the fact that my family

– has broken the stressful expectations and traditions of the holidays,

– has kept the parts we love (being together, great company and the best food around),

– has been open to a “no rules” kind of get-together,

– has opened its arms to anyone and everyone who wants to join us, and

– has allowed me to host them.

Expectations are a great thing but be very careful with them. If they are the wrong expectations, they will cause great anxiety! Do you have the right expectations for the holidays?

I wish you the happiest holidays! From my rule-breaking family to yours!

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Do you believe in YOU?

The world is full of people who will tell you all the things that you cannot do but what do you tell yourself?

There will always be people who laugh at you when you tell them your hopes and dreams but do you listen to them?

Even the people closest to you will advise you that the goals you’re pursuing and the actions you’re taking are unrealistic or impossible but do you let that stop you?

I work a lot of hours (mostly by choice because I love my job and want to do more), I chair the Learning & Education Committee for ASHHRA and I write a blog.

I recently accepted a board position and an MBA program. I’m told constantly that I should reconsider some of the commitments I have made before I even give them a try. I’m told constantly that I will never see my friends and family again for the next three years. I’m told constantly that I cannot possibly accomplish all of this and that I will fail. I’m told constantly that I’m in over my head and I’m too young and inexperienced to realize it. I’m told constantly that I’m going to regret my decisions.

People will say these things, sometimes out of genuine concern for you, but does that mean you should believe it and make it your reality?

This has been the story of my entire life. Most of my accomplishments thus far have been faced with these exact words, these exact obstacles – being the first college graduate in my family, getting six promotions in six years and starting my blog. My parents couldn’t help me pay for school so I was told that I would never be able to do it on my own and that I had no clue what I was getting into. Every time I was promoted, I was told that I did not have enough experience and that I was too young to succeed. When I started my blog, I was told that no one would read it and that it was a waste of time.

I’m grateful for all the amazing people in my life who are looking out for me and you should too but if you take care of yourself and do the things in life that make you happy, that is what matters. If you believe completely in yourself even when it seems that others don’t believe in you, you will succeed beyond expectations. If you allow yourself to fail, you will grow to levels you may not even realize you are capable of. Many future successes are a product of previously failed attempts. Failure is just a stepping stone to success.

Don’t let anyone stop you – not people, not words, not failures, not fear.

I wish you all the success in the world and when it feels like you’re up against the world working to accomplish something great, just know that I’m in your corner! Live the life that makes you happy, not the one that satisfies the doubts of others.

What’s your story?

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Lead to Win: Lessons from a Chicago Cubs’ World Series Champ

I’m a die hard Chicago Cubs fan. As much as I love all Chicago sports, baseball is what I grew up watching. I am by no means the longest living Cubs fan, not even close! However, I, like many others, grew up watching them lose a lot, hanging onto every inch of hope that they might just win it all one day. So, when they finally did it this year, I was literally ecstatic. I cried; I admit it; I have no shame about it.

The thing about this current Cubs team though that makes me such a proud fan is its leadership. Being a leadership and HR fanatic myself, its one of the first things I notice in teams. The Chicago Cubs has a lot of great leaders from Theo Epstein to Jed Hoyer to the Ricketts family. However, I am consistently impressed by the great Joe Maddon.

So, here’s what I’ve learned about how to “lead to win” from Joe, manager of the World Series’ Champs, the Chicago Cubs. I’ve titled each lesson after my favorites of Joe’s “Maddonisms.”

“That’s outcome bias.”

Joe often responds with this statement when the media questions a decision he made, claiming that the opposite decision or a different decision could have had a better outcome. In leadership, we often play it safe and if something goes wrong, we constantly waste time questioning “what if” scenarios, attempting to breakdown what went wrong. There is a false assumption that another decision or action would have resulted in a different outcome, when in reality, no one really knows. It could have been the same outcome either way.

The lesson is that just because one decision or risk does not work out, it doesn’t mean that we need to play it safe the next time. We must keep taking chances and pushing boundaries.

“Do simple better.”

Joe is questioned a lot for his way of leading and managing the Cubs. He cancels batting practices and doesn’t hold team meetings. Instead, he believes that he has adults and professionals on his team and thus, he should treat them as such. Therefore, he puts his trust in his team and doesn’t micromanage them. Guess what? They chose to practice anyway and took the World Series in style, coming back from 3-1 games down to win it all. He also prides himself in having one-on-one conversations rather than team meetings.

The lesson for leaders is to stop overcomplicating our roles. If we do the simple things better, we will already have better results. One piece of advice from Joe is to not micromanage every detail of how employees should do their jobs. Be clear with expectations and let them achieve the results on their own. The other relevant lesson is that when someone isn’t performing, have a real, honest conversation with that person rather than holding a team meeting every time to reset expectations in a passive-aggressive manner where everyone feels like they did something wrong but aren’t really sure.

“Don’t ever permit the pressure to exceed the pleasure.”

This is my favorite maddonism! Every Cubs fan knows about the team’s themed road trips. This year, they did eccentric suits day and a pajama party day. Joe also throws little parties in the clubhouse like when he brought zoo animals in for spring training or brought in a mariachi band to serenade his team before a game. The lesson here is to have fun with our teams and let them have fun with each other. Fun brings people together and takes the pressure off.

This maddonism also gets to the heart of success which is that people who love what they do will achieve the best results. Why? It’s not likely that people love doing something they are not good at. People with real passions live and breathe whatever it is that they are passionate about. Leaders hire A players and let those A players enjoy what they do because the pleasure of what we do everyday should exceed the pressure we are under.

What stands out for you and what might you try doing with your teams? I’ve been pondering the “no team meetings” idea. Here’s to the Chicago Cubs, to Joe Maddon, to leadership and to all of you winning with your teams!

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Leaders Execute

I had the privilege of hearing Chip Madera, renowned speaker and organizational development expert, speak again for the second time in one month. This past week, he talked to us about leadership and execution and his message really stuck with me. We were a bunch of healthcare leaders in the audience and if you know healthcare, you know that the industry is going through a boat-load of changes.

But, going through change is not a good excuse for not executing. Leaders need to be the example. As Chip puts it, we are the “keepers of the culture.” It starts with us and it is up to us to lead it. If we don’t get this right, we will not survive because “culture eats strategy for breakfast.” If we don’t keep the culture, our employees will create it anyway and it won’t be the culture we want because if we’re not part of it, they will know that pretty quickly.

We cannot continue blaming employees and trying to hold them accountable without first holding ourselves accountable. I constantly run into leaders who complain about their employees not performing but they never actually do anything about these employees. If we want A players, we need to pick A players, we need to grow A players and we need to be A players. Only when we start looking within ourselves can we start leading and executing for our teams and our organizations.

To lead a culture that people will follow and buy into, we need to connect with them. We need to be able to relate to them and to meet them where they are. As the workplace gets more chaotic and stress levels rise, leaders are challenged with channeling their emotions while maintaining operations and leading people. This is no small task but where leaders often fail is the people part. They begin to drown themselves in the day-to-day and neglect their teams.

Chip challenged us to “fall in love with our people again.” He didn’t mean this literally, of course, but we need to take a step back and remember that we chose to accept leadership positions and that decision comes with specific responsibilities to our people.

So, have you reflected about your leadership lately? What are you going to do to reignite your passion for people and execute, particularly the culture?

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We Create Our Comfort Zones

I’m over the excuses for why people don’t get things done or take chances on themselves. At a minimum, on a weekly basis, I’ve been finding myself engrossed in conversations about productivity, change and/or success. They seem to always include excuses as to why people “can’t” do something. I’m in an industry of constant change and quite a bit of chaos so lately, the common excuse is “I’m not comfortable.” This is one of my favorites. It’s right up there with “I don’t have time.”

It’s one of my favorite excuses because it’s ironic to me. People talk about comfort zones like they’re magical things that just exist without effort. They assume that everything else that is not already in their comfort zone will remain in their “uncomfortable zone” forever without the possibility of movement.

Here’s a reality check and some good news: everything in our “uncomfortable zone” can become part of our “comfort zone.” A comfort zone is a completely fabricated concept. We made it up! Everything in our comfort zone was moved there because we got used to things that we were uncomfortable with at first.

So, it’s funny to me when I hear this as an excuse for not trying something new or not living out dreams. I pretty much get this excuse at least from one person every time I propose a new change or project, “Lotus, I’m not sure I’m comfortable with this.” My answer usually? “Awesome! Neither am I! Let’s get comfortable with it!”

Recently, I invited a coworker to join a Twitter chat since she wanted to find a convenient way to learn from other organizations without having to attend conferences across the country. She told me that she isn’t part of the generation that is comfortable with social media and that I’m better at it because I grew up with it. She was shocked when I told her that I went off Facebook until recently, that I didn’t really use LinkedIn until 2011 and that I didn’t even get a Twitter account until 2013. I told her my story about how terrified I was to start writing and going social. It definitely was not in my comfort zone. In fact, I still don’t think it is in my comfort zone, but I do it anyway. She got herself a Twitter account and met a couple awesome people in the industry already!

Comfort zones don’t just happen to us. We create our own comfort zones. There’s so much that I’m intentionally working on adding to my comfort zone. What are you trying to add to your comfort zone? When are you going to purposely take a chance on YOU?

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Want to succeed? Ask questions!

Ask questions! That is my one piece of advice to all new employees. Heck, start asking questions before you get the job. The traditional interview process is no longer relevant. It’s not a one-way Q&A session anymore. The Q&A goes both ways now. Ask your new employer questions that are meaningful to your decision process. This will help both you and your potential employer make a better decision about whether or not you would do well in the job, in the organization and on the team.

Once you start a job, it is just as important to continue asking questions. No one knows everything even if they tell you they do! I’ve heard all the excuses and assumptions:

  • I’m scared I’ll sound stupid.
  • I’m afraid they think I should know the answer to that already.
  • I don’t know who to ask.
  • I don’t want to bother them.
  • They’re so busy. They don’t have time to answer my questions.
  • I probably don’t really need to know that right now. I’ll ask if I ever have to know.
  • If I needed to know that, they would tell me so I don’t need to ask.
  • I’m sure someone else will ask my question.
  • I’m sure I’ll figure it out eventually.

Well, guess what? These are all actually very valid concerns and feelings. But, guess what else? They don’t need to stop you from asking questions and growing yourself and your career.

  • So, someone thinks you sound stupid. Who cares? You still gain something out of getting the answer. Who’s problem is it that they think you sound stupid? It’s not your problem.
  • Maybe you should know the answer but if you don’t, keeping quiet isn’t going to get you the answer.
  • If you don’t know who to ask, ask everyone until you find out who the right person is to ask.
  • If people are bothered by you asking a question, that is their burden to carry, not yours.
  • Everyone is busy, including you, I’m sure. You’ll be more productive if you ask and so will they because they know you’re getting your work done.
  • Growth is about learning as much as you can so even if you don’t need to know it, ask questions about things you want to know.
  • Never assume that someone is going to look out for you. You need to ask questions proactively rather than waiting for people to give you all the information you need to do your job.
  • Again, you’re going down a very uncertain path if you’re waiting for someone else to ask the question you have. What if they do it when you’re not there and now you don’t have the answer?
  • Maybe you will figure it out eventually but wouldn’t it be nice to get the answer and figure it out now?

I instill this in my team and in all the employees I work with every single day. The ones who ask a lot of questions have become the go-to people in the organization. They always seem to have the answers because they always ask the questions.

So, let me ask you a question: are you going to start asking questions?

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